To Whatever End

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Then make me understand Junhui.” He said, looking at his best friend and Junhui’s heart being stabbed for a thousand times, seeing his best friend hurting and he hates himself for being the main reason of his suffering.

I think his fever is so high and he was shaking badly earlier.” Junhui peeks at Wonwoo who is breathing and sleeping peacefully; arm is still swathe in Junhui’s waist. “I think he just fell asleep.” Junhui was speechless. Hurt? Scared? Or let’s just say, Wonwoo has a point that it made him feel that the love he has for Wonwoo is invalid. Because what if? What if Wonwoo fell in love, took the risk and then they broke up? It’s complicated.

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He doesn’t know why in every conversation he had with his mother must be associate to the fact that his dad一their stronghold一is gone now, lifeless. He understands that it’s his mother’s way of reminding him that they are now alone and no one will be able to protect them any longer. Yet, he believes that his father is still protecting them silently from above一and he thinks it’s more effective. Junhui took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, collecting all the courage that he could. He walked towards Wonwoo. “I love you.” Please, Junhui?” Wonwoo smiled again at him and Junhui could feel a bullet being shot at his heart. When Wonwoo went out of the toilet, Junhui was also done cleaning his room. “Thanks.” Wonwoo said plainly while massaging his temple and went directly to his bed to lie.

His mother continues in touching Wonwoo’s side mouth with a small cut lightly. “You deserve that, you brat!” She retorted before getting ointment to place in his son’s wound. “Uyu, what’s hard about heeding my rules for you?” She started being serious and becoming more harsh in taking care of Wonwoo’s gash in which the latter groans as he felt the pain一hissing. “You’re just in 5th grade and you’re already getting into trouble. You… you should become more mature now.” And unshed tears covered her eyes as she pauses一having a hard time in proceeding what she is about to say because it’s painful. It’s agonizing that it is hard enough to tear her heart for so many times now and she knew it’s also throbbing for her son but it’s the truth that they need to accept. “Especially now... “ Then Wonwoo knows where the conversation will lead and that's what he keeps on avoiding. “Especially now that you’re father is一” And that hit Wonwoo. It was already painful hearing his dad’s name, what more if he will tell a story about him. But he doesn’t want to disappoint his new friend. So even if it’s tearing him apart, he managed to smile and composed himself to tell the tragic story about his dad. Hi, Junhui. I’m Chan.” Wonwoo’s boyfriend stretched out his arms and gladly introduced himself to Junhui. They began to choose a movie to watch when Wonwoo spoke out of nowhere. “You remember Jihoon? Jihoon Lee?”Wonwoo honestly didn't know when it started, but he confirmed the feelings he has for his best friend when he felt afraid whenever Junhui was not with him, when he wants to be taken care of his best friend, when his day is not complete without seeing him, and when Junhui avoided him little by little. That time, he knew it was Junhui all along. That time, he wants to be with Junhui. And that time, he knew he loved his best friend more than the usual love felt by best friends.

Oh.” is the only word he was able to reply. “Okay.” He smiled and began to walk towards the house. Wonwoo did the same thing and went upstairs. Wonwoo, listen to me.” Chan aggressively wiped his tears that almost stained his cheeks. “Your eyes tell everything. Your actions and words tell everything that it's Junhuiㅡ” I said, I’m leaving. I’m going to Europe after graduation to study again. That’s why I have the courage to tell everything to you even if I’m scared so I can leave without regrets.” Junhui explained plainly, trying his best to hide the pain he has. You thought. Now, go. Leave. I don't want you to sleep here.” Junhui said, attempting to push Wonwoo but the latter grabbed his arms and stopped him in dragging him out of the room. Junhui left dumbfounded because yes, they used to sleep together almost everyday since they're kids. They just did it seldom when Wonwoo had his job but these days are different now. They're grown up, feelings can trigger something and Wonwoo has a boyfriend.Love is complicated, Junhui. It conquers all, so it could also break something significant without a warning.” Wonwoo spoke, eyeing the big monitor again before them.