Do you know what they do at hooters when you show up for a job interview? They hand you a bra and say, “First, please fill this out, then take a seat” A single man often fantasizes about having a gorgeous, kind, and loving wife. A married man wishes for the same thing. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. You should only have sex with a famous person if you really, really genuinely want to tell people about it afterwards. That’s pretty disgusting too. 12. What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!

My wife gave me a handjob the other day using Vaseline. I came three times trying to wash that shit off. Related posts: dirty jokes for her and dirty jokes for him. *** Epic Dirty Joke: Pregnant Daughter Confides to Mom *** I hope he finds Winnie the Pooh and not poop! 13. If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus. I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.” – Gary Delaney Funny guys are dangerous. They make you laugh, then make you laugh again and again. When you’re done laughing, boom… You’re naked!What four-letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k,” and if you can’t get it you can always just use your hands? They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds? Humor helps reduce stress and anxiety, and when those negative feelings are out of the way, you feel better equipped to handle your relationship and devote time to it.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts. Who wouldn’t want to enjoy some sultry banter with their partner? Flirty husband wife jokes are a great way to initiate laughter and conversations. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either. I have a long shaft. I always penetrate with the tip first and I always come with a quiver. What am I? Jokes are always good as ice breakers. Here are some conversation starter tips that will help you break the ice in any situationThere was a wife who texted her husband a romantic message... She wrote: “I love you. If you wake up, send me your dreams. If you laugh, send me your smile. If you eat, send me a bite. If you drink, send me a sip. If you cry, send me your tears.” Then her husband texted: “I’m on the toilet, advice please.” A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. I said, ‘You’re right, it’s supposed to be up the bum!'” – Gary Delaney A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

Did you know that our human bodies are made of 55% water? Can I buy you another drink here or do you just want water at my place?A man boards a bus with six kids. When they are all settled in their seats, an old lady across leans towards the man and asks, ‘‘are they all your kids?’’ The man replied, ‘‘I work for a condom production company and these here are customer complaints.’’ How would you embarrass an archaeologist? Put a used tampon in his hand and ask him which period it came from! Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Why do b**bs and toys have so much in common? Both were originally intended for kids, but daddies end up playing with them instead. Want to add more to your collection of crude jokes? Here’s a list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults that will have you guffawing! 60 Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes The only thing I can offer to put ladies at ease is that I am of no sexual threat whatsoever. I’m 42 years of age, I literally have to hit it with nettles. Sex with me these days is akin to thumbing marshmallows into the anus of a cat. It starts with the letter “P” and ends in “O.R.N”. I play a major role in the film industry. What am I? The young couple next door to me have recently made a sex-tape. Obviously, they don’t know that yet.They had a happy new year…if you know what I mean! 9. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won’t stop to ask directions. Ewwwwww!!! Nuff said. 15. Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? Pretty Nuts! I’d like to find out the reason why Snow White, who is an iconic Disney character, was shut out of Disneyland.