I felt like the references to Rwanda and other village communities and their “relationally saner” way of life were romanticized and a stretch of reality. Perhaps I read too far into this, but I felt that this argument carried the assumption that people in village cultures face no or very little relational strife. There are certainly things we can learn from village communities, but I do not believe her explanations did justice to the very real and hard challenges people face in these cultures. Some fresh advice on identifying and searching for your own community, from business innovator Nilofer Merchant. The theory and practice of personality science is fairly well established, and there are many different ways to assess and categorize your personality type.

Find My – Official Apple Support Find My – Official Apple Support

Think about how you typically spend your evenings and weekends. Most of the time, you probably sit at home, either alone or with a small number of roommates or family members. You make dinner for just you. You buy everything you could possibly need, making sure to never bother your neighbors for anything. And you spend hours staring into a screen –⁠ comfortable, safe, and entertained. But also sad. One final way that your past can shine a spotlight on the person you are (or wish to be) is by analyzing your regrets. Without going into detail here, these models of personality aim to help you identify how you think, act, and interact with the world. There were two points that I felt this book was weak. The first was understanding introverts. I agree with a few comments she made about some of the particles being the same, even if it is harder. However, I feel that this book would have been greatly helped if she had an introvert write some notes about how to overcome some of the challenges.

What Does It Feel Like To Be Lost?

There was an odd sense of people always keeping me at arms’ length. For several years, I decided that there was something wrong with me, which was why they didn’t seem to truly accept me. An important, inspiring work about loneliness and the power of connection . . . Allen offers practical solutions to questions like how to find friends, how to make relationships less superficial, what a true community looks like, and how to navigate being ‘dumped’ by a friend.” —Katie Couric Media And whilst some steps are arguably more important than others, they all deserve at least some time and attention. 1. Identify Your Personality Type Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started. They may be able to identify aspects of your personality that have eluded you and they may know the types of things that make you happy or stressed.

Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World

I wasn't sure what to expect with this one, but I put it on hold because as I've gotten older it is MUCH harder to make and keep friends. Talking about this from a biblical perspective should be an even better match for me, but I did NOT like this one at all and I'm obviously in the small minority. If you're going to write a book about friendship and you are a huge extrovert you have to understand that not everyone is like you. I feel like she glosses over a lot in this book and makes sweeping generalizations. For her friendship is calling someone while you're in the midst of a crying meltdown (which the author seems to have frequently), showing up at their house unannounced, and inviting yourself over for dinner. None of which sounds like the kind of friends I want (I would be there for a friend calling me upset or in a crisis, but I do NOT want people showing up at my house unannounced or inviting themselves over for dinner). I am an introvert, so a lot of her suggestions made my skin crawl. At first, I joined a group of people that I wanted very much to like me. I tried to be likeable, to support them and to do the work that was required to make our projects successful, to help out when I could, and I attended every party and event. But something wasn’t right.One of the biggest strengths of this book was its focus on application. Most chapters had explicit helpful guides on ways to build community. I found myself writing them down and thinking about them more. The book wasn't just platitudes, stories, or even examples of how she did it. Instead there were real good suggestions on ways to make this happen. I particularly appreciated a recurring theme of looking for the people already in front of you. Allen walks you through the different kinds of people and friendships, how to get started, how to build on that start, and how to deal with issues that might pop up. So many practical tips and helpful hints are in this book, I know it will be a good reference. I am not the target audience for this book. I rarely read "Christian Living" especially those books marketed to women. I have generally found them filled with stories and low on substance. However, I thought that this book was really good. I have only known of Jennie through her work on the IF:Gathering and the women in my church have done a number of her studies. This was my first personal encounter with her work. Many of the points below require effort on your part. You will need to remain committed to the process if you are to succeed. And many of the strategies above are things you can continue to do on a regular basis to refine what it means to be you.

Find Your People — Jennie Allen

What are the underlying reasons that you wish for these things? How does this translate into your current beliefs, values, and behaviors?What have you done that you really wish you hadn’t? What can this teach you about your core values? How would you act if faced with a similar situation today?

Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World

Perhaps this was a self-fulfilling prophecy: Because this is what I thought friendship was, it always devolved into nightmare territory. As close as I’d get to having a best friend, the relationships were always short-lived. No matter how promising the beginning was, something would invariably throw a wrench into the intimacy I’d craved so deeply and needed like air. My junior high best friend decided we were both acting “too into each other” (we were into each other), so she ended the friendship. My high school best friend’s family moved far away, and I grieved the loss of her like a death. Replace, repeat, and never stop trying and then grieving, trying and then grieving. For this generation Jennie Allen is the vulnerable voice we need, and with Find Your People she has provided a beacon-illuminated map that is as practical as it is inspiring. Read this and find your people. Read this and find the life you have been hungering and thirsting for. Read this and find Jesus.” —Curt Thompson, MD, author of The Soul of Desire and The Soul of Shame I kept looking, following my heart into another group within the same larger community. This time, they seemed to genuinely accept me, to like me, to respond to me, to open up to me, and to both value me and appreciate that I valued them. And I did value them—I do. They’re a bunch of amazing creative, smart, motivated, fun, and genuine people. And it was like night and day. One of the first groups I thought were “my people” actually kind of intimidated me, and I never got up the nerve to be honest with people in the group about that. I ended up finding a related group that didn’t intimidate me as much, but I still wonder, if I had been willing to share my vulnerability with that earlier group, if I could have been able to connect with them more deeply. For years I thought nothing was worth doing if I wasn’t Passionate-with-a-capital-P about it. But just enjoyment is enough. And spend the amount of time doing that thing that feel right to you. 2. Learn how to talk to strangers.We all have a unique personality, but it is possible to categorize the various things that make up who we are. Overall, I loved this book. Jennie does an amazing job of sympathizing with her readers and creating a culture of grace while still pushing us outside of our comfort zones and sharpening us "as iron sharpens iron." Remember, to find yourself is to be able to move through life with confidence in who you are and what you stand for. After all, you are not merely what you think and feel on the inside; you are what you say and do on the outside. Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.